Reflections
by iffulovedme
Summary: Itachi allows himself to indulge in a little self analysis. Itachi does know the value of life. He entrusted his to the one person who ever loved him. Itachi doesn't want to be understood.When Sasuke realizes how much his brother loves him, it's too late.
1. Chapter 1

Itachi was bored. A bored Itachi was not a pleasant thing anyone wished to encounter. It was with this train of thought that Kisame told an even more distant than usual Itachi that he was going to do some reconnaissance. Itachi saw straight through the lie but said nothing. Knowing a mere nod would be too much to ask for, Kisame fled.

Itachi, once Kisame was out of ear shot, let out a sigh. He gazed up at the sky. So, even Kisame had abandoned him. Itachi blinked, absently surprised at the thought. He was not prone to self pity, believing it to be a weakness.

It was only once Itachi had lain down on the grass, arms by his side, fingers idly pulling at the grass, did he close his eyes. He supposed he owed it to himself to indulge in memories of the past.

Ever the genius, Itachi knew it was always a good thing to unwind. Nothing helped the Uchiha unwind better than sifting through his thoughts, as his hands had once carded through the silky strands of black hair that belonged to only one person.

Itachi remembered being the prodigy of his clan, he smirked to himself; he probably still was. He wondered, briefly with a stab of something that feels, maybe, like remorse, if he ever felt anything.

And suddenly, he remembered feeling many things. It was a little overwhelming; all the feelings he had suppressed for so long, slowly rose to the surface. It was as though once Itachi allowed himself to remember, he couldn't stop.

He remembered loving the feel of awe he inspired, loved the heady feeling of being the best, the strongest, the ANBU captain. He also remembered, perhaps a little bitterly, as the respect and reverence turned to fear and trepidation. He reflected; it was not a good feeling, the knowledge that he would grow so strong that those he, sometimes, loved would one day look upon him with fear, with hesitance and disdain.

Eyes flew open at this thought. Since when had he loved anyone other than himself and the feeling of power he held over others? Those thoughts, as they often seemed to whenever Itachi part took in this activity, turned to his brother. Sasuke Uchiha.

Sasuke, _his _Sasuke, was everything Itachi was not and never wished to be. He was weak; he felt things and made mistakes.

True, Sasuke eyes were black like Itachi's, but that was the only similarity. Sasuke did not have the tomoe, but that was not the only difference. His eyes were not blank in blatant hatred and resentment, hid not shadows nor were they swallowed in darkness. Instead, they spoke of sunny skies and, and here Itachi's stomach twisted, hope and trust and all those things which Itachi had long ago dismissed as weakness.

But Sasuke was his brother, he was really all Itachi had left of his family. Itachi could not dismiss Sasuke so easily. Sasuke, who had once made Itachi feel heady with power, he could not ignore. Itachi did not like feeling powerless. It was no different than before.


	2. Chapter 2

Contrary to belief, Itachi was not entirely unaware that he had massacred his clan. He knew there would come a time when he would have to atone for his sins. Itachi still valued control over everything else; if he had to atone, then he would do it his own way. He would twist fate so that it unraveled in his favor.

Itachi hadn't wanted to be understood, it wasn't what he needed. No, he needed to be punished. But no one was strong enough. But someone could be.

He would have asked Kakashi but deep down, Itachi knew he could not. No, it could not be Kakashi. Either Kakashi would not understand or, and Itachi feared this most of all, he would understand all too well. Kakashi might have used his own Sharingan, could have seen the truth.

But there was one person in the world who could come close to understanding. Close being the key wood. One person who would follow him to the ends of the world, if only to appease him. And that one person was Sasuke Uchiha.


	3. Chapter 3

An idea had come to Itachi as he watched his brother sleep, ignorant for once, of Itachi's presence. Itachi had decided, as he watched his brother emit light snores, that if he had to be torn apart from Sasuke, then he would do it of his own will.

Earlier in the day, it had been decided that Sasuke would attend the regular school. He would not be specially trained as Itachi had. For some reason, the thought made Itachi resentful. What, didn't they want another Itachi, another prodigy? Or, Itachi had thought darkly, was that the point?

He remembered murmuring, illuminated poetically against a white moon, framed by the doorway: _It might seem like the end_, _Sasuke_, _but it's just the beginning. Someday, you will understand. And when you do, I'll be gone. _


	4. Chapter 4

Itachi knew it was sick and wrong to want to die by his brother's hand. But Itachi had always been able to see the bigger picture. The massacre of his clan was only a small part. All for Sasuke, in the end, really. Itachi thought Sasuke should experience the pride of knowing he had avenged his clan, even if it comes at the price of his beloved brother, Itachi's, death.

One night, Itachi wondered what it would be like to hear Sasuke scream his name. Would Sasuke cry when things worked out the way Itachi had planned? For some reason, Itachi found Sasuke's tears fascinating rather than disgusting. For Itachi, Sasuke's tears were a confirmation that Sasuke was weak, but Itachi would make him strong. Once Itachi was gone, Sasuke would never have to cry. Itachi didn't stop to think that once he is gone, Sasuke might not smile again either. Itachi forgot that, yes, he was the one to make Sasuke cry, but he was also the one who made Sasuke's smile shine brighter than a white flame.


	5. Chapter 5

Itachi heard the tentative steps 2.6 miles away and closed his eyes. He knew Kisame would be surprised to see him relaxed. But Kisame would never understand that Itachi could never relax, not fully. His thoughts kept going, always measured facts and calculated the danger. It was what made him a prodigy, a monster, what made him Itachi Uchiha. His decisions marked him a murderer and his heart was said to be nonexistent. But really, and Itachi knew this better than anyone else, nothing was ever that simple.


	6. Chapter 6

Itachi surprised himself by once again falling into a self analysis. He'd never noticed before, but when he activated the Mangekyo Sharingan, he could smell the faint, but oh so tangible, scent of blood. Ironically, it wasn't until his brother was bleeding that he realized this.


	7. Chapter 7

Nothing was ever black and white; not to Itachi who could see the dark red of the Sharingan. And then, Itachi couldn't see anything at all, which was, absurdly enough, okay with him. He didn't need to see in order to hear Sasuke's keen of terror, resentment, triumph and maybe, just maybe, love that forced its way to the surface despite the circumstances. Itachi thought, as the world dimmed, it was only fair; Sasuke used to do it to him. Sasuke would live, and he would remember; Itachi had made sure of that.


	8. Chapter 8

As bitter tears trekked their way down Sasuke's cheeks, he muttered, "As if I could forget you, Nii-san." Sasuke could feel a slight pressure to his forehead, could almost hear the words, _Foolish Otouto . _Predictably, Sasuke scowled. He said softly, "No, Nii-san, you're the foolish one." Then he straightened, unabashed, and walked away from the only person he ever loved, freed at last. His brother's words from a long, long time ago, when Itachi had thought him asleep echoed in his brain. _It might seem like the end_, _Sasuke_, _but it's just the beginning. Someday, you will understand. And when you do, I'll be gone. _Sasuke shuddered, suddenly cold. Itachi was gone and he understood. He was happy; he finally understood his brother a little better. And he felt a little proud, too, that he understood why he was crying, which was something Itachi never would have been able to.

~Fin


End file.
